how to rewire

from
Perspective
Buddhism Meets Western Science
A dialogue on the mind and consciousness
by Gay Watson

Research has shown that repeated action, learning, and memory can actually change the nervous system physically, altering both synaptic strength and connections. Such changes may be brought about by cultivated change in emotion and action; they will, in turn, change subsequent experience.

okay, if that's not encouraging and optimistic then i have no clue what is. this tells me that everyone is capable of change -- change for the better -- at any time in their life. no matter what, at any time in your life, you can make your life better-to-best.

i've begun putting this ideology to the test. i've begun meditating daily. it's changing my life for the good. it's had some profound effects on my spirituality regarding both quality and strength thereof. i would suggest daily meditation to anyone. i am no master, but it is bringing a clarity and a calm to my being that was previously devoid of peace.

a time to change

becoming comfortable with your own life's situation is a blessing of un-assumable fortune. however, if that comfort leads to stagnancy it can be a detriment. for the past several years life has coasted onward and upward with very few knee-jerk moments. i've been very fortunate to have had relatively simple life-changing scenarios to deal with and grow from. as of recently that has changed.

truth be told, with every passing moment in life, adjustments must be made. in overcoming obstacles and finding solutions one will nurture their own growth. this is not to say that in order to grow we must change all that we have become accustomed to. it is only to say that "we must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles" (Jimmy Carter) to better our selves and our situations.

people fear change. this is easy to do – consistency is comfort ability. however, comfort ability can be a very dangerous path, lulling the weak and closed-minded, toward inevitable demise. Ralph Waldo Emerson put it best: “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines.”

one must explore creativity to be fruitful and innovative. this is exactly why a stagnant palette will forever generate nothing worthwhile. therefore, an existence of consistency seems less comfortable and more meaningless. could a child be free without an imagination? we are told that practice makes perfect – which is very true sports fans – yet this notion can be confused with a need for consistency – depriving us of freedom, as “consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.” (Oscar Wilde)

my family was set to change via growth; yet that has changed. my career was set to change via promotion; yet there is a decent chance that will no longer be the case. however, change on all levels of my life is inevitable and imminent. all things come to an end; it is a matter of what you do next that defines your path toward happiness.

“There will come a time when you think everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” - Louis L'Amour

and so, my friends, it seems it is time to test my metal once again. i'm up for it, and even a bit excited.

take care

if at second you don't succeed ...

well, the D&C went as well as could be expected. not sure why we were to be at the hospital at 10:30 am when the procedure didn't start until 2:35 pm (and subsequently finish 15 minutes later) but i can't complain too much. my wife slept for a decent amount of the wait; the stuff in her IV drip must've been good considering at 27 and being her first ever operation she was calm enough to sleep! i mean, damn, they should have hooked me up as well!

the doc was the first person to talk with me post-op. he was cool and straight to the point ... you know how it goes (when it goes well) -- it's all good ... i'm the man ... she's just chillin' now (paraphrasing of course) -- but i forgot the one thing i was supposed to ask: so, like, when do we get to try try again?! damn! you would think that would be the first thing on my mind, being a guy and all. :)

ok, so we make it back home and i get her settled in with a bowl of the old fashioned chicken noodle soup -- you know, the stuff with the thin, rectangular noodles, and small cubes of chicken -- and something to gaze at upon the tv; then it's time for me to go run the errands. no problem, i just need to get cash, pain meds for ... well ... both of us (advil liquid gells for her, and some "cocktail sauce" for me, if you know what i mean), and retrieve the kid. well, the shopping was fine and so it was on to the in-laws. i show up and it seems all is as should be -- and by all accounts it was. however, i could tell emotionally stunted mother-in-law wasn't sure how to deal with me, or rather the situation; and emotionally born-again father-in-law wanted to avoid the whole conversation sans finding out his daughter is okay.
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begin mini-tangent
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let me paint the picture a little bit. father-in-law (fil) was the hard-ass, do-as-i-say-before-i-have-to-say-it, and fear-the-hell-out-of-me type raising his kids. there's nothing particularly wrong with that; in fact they have 4 kids, all of which have turned out great and stayed out of trouble. however, the tide turned the day i asked permission to marry his daughter. i couldn't even get the question out and already had the teary-eyed thumbs up from future fil. he then cried while giving her away at our wedding. he then cried the first time we told him of his first grand child to be. he then cried when first holding his grand daughter. he then cried when we first told him of grand child number 2. so, you can predict his emotional bewilderment upon learning of the miscarriage of grand child number 2 and the subsequent operation.

mother-in-law (mil) is ... umm ... well ... she's ... okay, i'm stuck ... here's her deal: mil gets up very early every morning to cook breakfast and begin preparations for dinner. she has always driven she and fil to all social occasions so fil can get his drink on. she fears technology of any kind to the point of ineptitude. she can't express herself through anything other than types of smiles -- you know how it is, if she's being teased she smiles wryly; if she's ecstatic she smiles widely, and so on. she's always carried herself in a way that exudes a sort of dignified servitude. neither mil nor fil historically have shown any sort of affection to the kids or each other ... ever!
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end mini-tangent
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so, i collect the kid and her things, side step the awkward acknowledgement of the circumstance, then bolt for home. i made sure to make the kid understand that mommy doesn't feel good and she must be gentle with her. i mean, how do you explain to a 21 month old that mommy just had surgery and she can't play right now, and don't jump on her the way you like to? but i guess our little heart to heart on the way home took. right when we got in the door the kid made her way down the stairs to mommy on the couch. all she said was "i wuv you, mommy" and all she did was climb up next to her and lay her head on mommy's shoulder. it was incredibly norman-rockwell-wrapped-in-a-halmark-card! what a sweet kid.

now the kid needs to go to the other grand parents house to spend the night. off to nana and papa's! nana gives me a hug and a kiss with prodding of concern for me; papa isn't sure what to do so it's our patented cool-guy handshake followed by a fist to my chest followed by his hand supportively massaging on my neck and shoulder with words of encouragement. then the kid gives me an extended hug, like 20 full seconds! she's awesome.

finally i go pick up McD's for the wife and me -- 3 dbl cheeseburgers (2 for me) and 2 medium fries for $5; that kicks ass! -- and head home. ok, all is well ... it's time to pop in walk the line, check one last time to make sure the wife is good to go, make myself a cocktail then sink into my couch.

i need a vacation! but it's back to work in the morning ... oy, i'm gonna be inundated with email!

take care, everyone.

maybe i need to make time for this blogging thing

i really thought i'd post from time to time but i haven't yet made the effort i should. it's not that i don't want to, i just don't have time at work and when i get home i'd really rather not get on a computer ... but i digress.

well, my wife's D&C is tomorrow ... we've never dealt with anything like this before, so it's not easy. though i imagine had we dealt with this previously all we'd have differnt is experience. it's a shame, we were growing very excited; but hey, we get to go back to the "every other day" program now -- i don't even have to do cardio in the morning any more! ;)

children seem to speak with the knowledge of the universe ... hell, children, before they're even able to speak, seem to act with the knowledge of the universe. when we first found out we were pregnant we'd ask our (now almost two year old) daughter if she wanted to have a brother or sister; all she would do is give the sweetest grin and coo with the sweetest little voice "no" and we should have listened to her. here's to her making her mind up next time! heh heh

take care all, and hopefully i make some time to get back out here and maybe even get this blog thing going.

i hesitate to say this, but i really am the best procrastinator i know ... more on that later

it's about time i started this whole blog thingy; i've always read, never contributed ... i'm such a drain on society -- sorry 'bout that, society

anyway, i'm at work so i don't really have time to post anything worth reading at this point, but i intend to do so at some point ... but, i'm not telling anyone about this blog, it's really not worth the recognition; not yet anyway

When being dizzy is all in your head

sorry, i haven't had any time to post anything yet ... my baby girl is now 20 months old, my lovely wife has now begun making an addition to the fam, and i'm working on a promotion while the company is in sales negotiations ... can i buy an hour?